I'm beginning to chafe under the weight of not knowing. My resolve and sense of calling has not diminished, but I find it harder to remain as optimistic as I have been in the past about this dream of returning to Vietnam becoming a reality. The uncertainty presents me with an interesting conundrum and an opportunity to step out in faith unlike any other I've ever experienced.
I have been walking this return to Vietnam journey for several months now and have managed to come through some of the initial challenges stronger and more certain that this is where God is leading me for the next stage of my life. What I assumed would be a simple two year MCC assignment has morphed into an incredible opportunity to shape my own experience into something much deeper. It has forced me to explicate my reasons for wanting to return and to work at sharing that vision with others. It has humbled me as I have and will continue to ask others to join with me in this endeavor. It is bringing me into a community of support and accountability that will help me adjust to a new environment; it's providing a necessary root system as I branch out. For all of this, I am grateful.
And yet, I struggle because even as I plan and prepare there is uncertainty. Much of what I speak of is still waiting for approval in Vietnam. Both An Giang and Can Tho Univeristies seem hopeful, but have yet to officially offer me positions. The timing seems so right and it appears that Providence is moving, but the questions remain. This uncertainty makes it hard to move forward. How do I ask people for money if I'm not sure I'm going to get offered a position or receive a visa? How do I prepare for the future if all of this effort is for naught? These questions temper the excitement I feel when I think about this dream becoming a reality but I refuse to let them paralyze me into inaction. Instead, I'm moving forward with faith that this is where God is leading me. My first support team meeting is Thursday and I'm excited for the opportunity to get others as excited about this opportunity as I am.