An Announcement! (and recent happenings)

Hello there,
First of all, my deepest apologies to those of you who actually check this space occasionally for updates about my life here in Vietnam. Have no fear, I am still here and doing quite well. Time continues its steady, onward progression and my time here in Long Xuyen draws to a close as I write this last update. It's hard to believe that I leave the University on Tuesday, meet the Biblical Seminary IME group on Wednesday, and travel with them through Saigon, Long Xuyen, cross the Mekong into Phnom Penh, and wrap up our 11 days together with a brief exploration of Angkor Wat. Then I fly from Siem Reap to Saigon for one night before heading home to the States on 14 June. I'm looking forward to my two months at home and all that will happen. All I know for sure at this point is that I'll be taking my GRE's and spending a weekend in post-Christendom with my EMS classmates from the UK. Beyond that, quiet relaxation and time spent with family and friends await me... and I can't quite articulate how excited that makes me.

But, since it's been such a long time since I've updated, I'll give a brief re-cap of what's been happening here in the Delta:
1) As of last posting, my plans for next year were uncertain and I was feeling rather tense and unsettled by that reality. WELL... things have been finalized in a very satisfactory way (at least it appears that way). Starting in August, I'll return to Vietnam, more specifically Can Tho University. I wanted to remain in the Delta simply because I feel like I finally understand the culture, partially, and wasn't too keen on the idea of moving to an entirely new context for what I know would only be a year or so. Can Tho is older than AGU and therefore has a broader network of International partners. My role specifically will involve English language classes for Junior staff, writing assistance for Master's Students, application and test preparation for study abroad, and working to strengthen and create new international linkages for the university.
2) For those of you who don't follow my Facebook statuses, I just spent a week-ish in the UK for an EMS (Eastern Mennonite Seminary) class entitled "Struggle and Hope in PostChristendom. Although most of the group was stranded by the ashcloud from that Icelandic volcano, and the class got off to a late start, it was a good experience. While I'm still processing and figuring out what exactly it will mean for me in the future, it was nice to be engaged in academic discussions about faith, politics, and changing social realities. (I realize I'm a bit of a nerd, but I've learned to embrace it).
3) Since returning from the UK, I've been packing in preparation for the next three transitions. Tomorrow, I move the belongings that I will leave in Vietnam over the summer to Can Tho. I'll also see the campus and meet some more of the faculty that I'll be working with next fall. Like I said earlier, Tuesday I head to Saigon for two weeks with the Biblical students. Then it's home. Lots of transitions, not a lot of time. Good-byes have started and run pretty solid until I leave. For all my complaints, I know this has been a valuable experience and I'd be wrong to negate all of the positives for the challenges. I have worked with people who have demonstrated true dedication and willingness to embrace my unorthodox approach. I have lived with a multi-cultural, multi-generational community of volunteers and in them I have found support, a listening ear, and Friday evening drinking partners. I have taught over 100 students, who made up for their lack of English ability with a desire to learn. I have been blessed by invitations for meals, coffee, trips to the tailor, and countless other adventures. I have been well looked after when I was sick, and I am grateful. There was no preparing for this experience before I left 10 months ago, and if I'd tried, I would have probably talked myself out of coming in the first place.

As always, when I stand on the verge of something new, I feel a bittersweet longing for the familiar. It's safe to stay in one place, and even if there are exciting opportunities on the horizon, it's hard to take that initial step. Long Xuyen was a safe place to call 'home' but now it's time to move on. Whether Can Tho will be better or just different remains to be seen, but it's where I feel I'm being led. Who knows what lies in store after that, but that's alright. As I've just been reminded, while it's easy to get caught up in the future, my responsibility is to remain present. So... I guess I'm staying until I leave. And after that, I'm not quite sure.

February 2010 Update

“It's a dangerous business, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no telling where you might be swept off to” (Bilbo Baggins, The Fellowship of the Ring).

For as long as I can remember, I have found much resonance with journey metaphors. The idea of physically moving along the path of life makes the vastness of the human experience seem that much more manageable, something I often feel that I need. No matter what’s going on, there’s an aspect of the journey metaphor that is applicable; deserts, mountaintops, and deep valleys all have their respective places.

Most recently, I’ve been struck by the sheer danger inherent in the journey. To journey implies that one leaves behind the safe and familiar and heads out into the unknown. Now, I recognize that no one, even those who never venture physically beyond their front doors are still on a deeply profound journey of their own and I would never hold myself in judgment of their choices. But those, whose lives become a journey, in reality as well as in metaphor, must acknowledge and embrace the danger inherent in going out your door.

These thoughts and reflections on the dangers of the journey come at a point of ‘road-weariness’. Six months in to this particular leg of my journey, I have felt overwhelmed by dangers that have not, to this point, showed themselves. That is not to say; however, that the weeks since my last update have been without moments, even days of sheer enjoyment, because there most definitely were. Perhaps that is itself the danger of this journey; that in the span of a few days (or minutes, depending on one’s emotional state) it is possible to experience a refreshing oasis and scorching desert heat, or to be plunged from the highest mountain to the deepest valley. Once the initial excitement and new-ness of a place has worn off and a routine established, it’s easy to be lulled into a sense of security. After six months, I was pretty sure that the dangers of this stage of my journey were over and that I had done a pretty good job conquering them. I’d weathered storms, both physical and emotional. I’d come through deserts of loneliness. I’d adjusted to new foods, climate, and culture. As long as I could focus on the task at hand, things were going fairly well. But then my routine shifted, and suddenly I lost my way. It all started with a much anticipated visit from home. As part of my funding, I’m helping to coordinate a study tour in May with students from Biblical Seminary in Philly. And as preparation for that Steve Kriss and Miguel Lau came to Vietnam and Cambodia at the end of January. Although I’d been in Vietnam for almost six months at that point, I’d yet to venture to HCM City for anything more than a transit point on my way to DaLat. I’d spent a few days there three years ago on the EMU cross-cultural, but that was the extent of my experience with the city. So, off I went to the ‘big city’ and indeed I did feel a little like the poor country mouse that went to visit her rich city cousin. The day and a half in HCM City were full of luxuries and experiences that I hadn’t had for a long time, and some that I didn’t even realize that I’d been missing. We then travelled back to Long Xuyen for a few days, then on to Chau Doc and Phnom Penh. It was a whirlwind week, and one of the best I’ve had here simply because, for the first time, I was sharing the experience with people from home. (The duffel bag full of goodies from home didn’t hurt either ). Although I was still in Vietnam, it was an entirely different context than my routine and it felt great. Phnom Penh also proved to be an amazing experience. Upon returning to Long Xuyen on 3 February, I immediately began my extended TET holiday, which only proved to deepen my disorientation.

For those not familiar, TET is the first month of the lunar year and the most important holiday of the year for the Vietnamese. As a result, the university shuts down for two weeks as staff and students return to their hometowns to celebrate. Due to the fact that the country essentially shuts down for that time, the other volunteers used this time for much needed vacations, but since I had just returned and was told that it is a good idea to stick around during TET, I decided to stay at the University. Let me just say now, BAD IDEA! I had the worst week that I’ve had in all of my time here that first week of the TET holiday. Perhaps it wouldn’t have been so bad if I had not been coming off the high of travel and spending time away from the routine. What I realized during those very quiet and lonely days is that the shininess has worn off of my whole experience here and when I took a good hard look at what I’d accomplished in my time here, I couldn’t point to anything concrete. The idea that I’d failed weighed heavily on my heart and mind that week, and I gave myself permission to wallow in the sorrow and frustration that surrounded me.

Now that life has largely returned to ‘normal’, I am regaining perspective on my time here. The shine; however, is still gone and I have to face the fact that what I thought I’d be able to do is not possible here. I accept that this is not entirely a reflection on me; but that there are circumstances beyond my control. I can honestly say that I have given my best efforts and will continue to do so for as long as I’m here, but I no longer labor under the illusion that this work will reap the harvest that I had initially hoped for. Given that I still believe in the IC3 project and the importance of its lessons for a globalizing world, I am beginning to weigh potential options for the 2010-11 school year. The bulk of those options will keep me in Vietnam or at least SE Asia just as I had planned originally. But there is the off chance that my journey in SE Asia will be shorter than imagined and I may find myself in a totally new context or back at home earlier than anticipated. All that remains to be seen.

On this journey, one thing I know I’m learning is that sometimes the map you leave with proves to be inadequate, and you have to chart a new course to get where you want to go. So, as I work at discerning that new path, I invite your prayers and encouragement. I know that I do not journey alone and that I am indeed surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses.

January 2010 Update

Greetings!

After a three month absence from the Blogosphere due to various reasons, I’m back! I’d say it was one of my New Years’ resolutions, but I don’t do those since I inevitably break them about three weeks into January. Instead, I feel like I’ve been selfishly hoarding this experience and it’s time that I started sharing it with those of you at home who have made it possible for me to be here in the first place.
1. Thanksgiving in Vietnam: I know I mentioned it in my most recent update, but Thanksgiving in Vietnam proved to be both a challenge and a blessing, although more of the former. The blessing came in the form of the 20 or so students and fellow volunteers that joined us for dinner. It was rewarding to see that the hours spend in the kitchen in 90 degree heat were not in vain as everyone ate with gusto. But, all the effort to make it feel like Thanksgiving at home only served to remind me how far short my efforts were going to fall. So, important lesson learned: It is better to make the best with what you have than to try to recreate something only to disappoint yourself with the results.
2. Phu Quoc Island: To celebrate the end of the first semester and to recuperate adequately for the start of the second, a fellow volunteer and I traveled to Phu Quoc Island for five days. While not all that far from An Giang, it took us 8 hours to get to the Island. Tropical breezes, the calm waters of the Gulf of Thailand, and a bungalow with a thatched roof and a hammock made the perfect backdrop for our vacation. The beach was just steps away from the bungalow and the weather was gorgeous. It was an utterly self-indulgent vacation where I did nothing but swim, sleep, read, and eat.
3. Final Exams: Never before have I been on the ‘teacher’ side of final exams and it was quite an eye-opening experience. If nothing else, the experience was an instructive look at the Vietnamese educational bureaucracy, and it is not a pretty sight. Test creating, proctoring and grading is an oppressive and soul-draining process that strips both students and teachers from any motivation. The Vietnamese education system has long valued rote memorization and that is how students are tested, by reciting exactly what they were taught during the semester. The pressure is intense, yet there is little or no critical thinking or analysis of what has been taught. Likewise, the teachers despite claiming to be shifting to ‘student-centered learning’ are reluctant to embrace new methods of teaching or testing. It’s been frustrating to observe this and know that there’s no way I can change it.
4. Christmas in Long Xuyen: Given the frustration I experienced trying to make Thanksgiving feel like it does at home, I approached Christmas with no small amount of trepidation. But, it actually turned out to be a very enjoyable time. The University went to great lengths to ensure we volunteers had a good Christmas. The celebrations began on December 23 with the University sponsored party that included karaoke with the ‘bigwigs’ from many of the departments and thoughtful gifts. Christmas Eve meant dinner and a river cruise with the volunteers and assorted guests as well as an impromptu gathering of foreigners at the local watering-hole. Christmas Day was a pretty quiet day during which I talked to my family and attended Mass in the afternoon. The day concluded with wine and cheese and conversation with the Aussies, Joan, Rafaella, and me. While nothing like the Christmas’s at home, this felt right and good and I realized that it’s much easier to embrace the new setting for a celebration than it is to transplant unrealistic expectations from home.
5. New Year’s in Dalat: One of the adult students in my writing class invited a fellow volunteer and one of the staff members to spend a long weekend with her family in Dalat. Separately, another friend who manages one of the volunteer agencies here had planned to spend New Years in Dalat with her volunteer and invited me to join them. So, after a 13 hour bus ride with a brief stop in Saigon, I arrived in Dalat. My Lonely Planet Guide refers to Dalat as “bizarro Vietnam” and it’s completely correct. In the central highlands, Dalat is well known for its vineyards, strawberries and artichokes. It is also home to an annual flower festival that boasts some spectacular displays and draws insanely large crowds. While there, we visited and had lunch with monks at a Buddhist pagoda, paddled swan boats on the lake, toured the flower gardens, gazed at the city skyline from atop the highest hotel’s rooftop coffee shop, ate incredible food, got sunburned while hiking, drank real (non-UHT) milk, and rode motorbikes through countryside that looked like it could have been anywhere in Europe. It was an incredibly busy few days, but totally worth it for the change of pace and temperature from here in the delta. I’ve already made plans to return in April because Linh (the student who invited us) has a nine-year old daughter and our birthdays are only two days apart, so we’re going to have a joint party.
So, that’s a brief recap of life here in the past few months. It’s hard to believe that as I write this I’ve been here nearly five months, yet it is starting to feel more like home each day. There’s a rhythm and routine to the days and weeks. But there are also unexpected moments of challenge and joy each and every day. Sometimes I catch my breath as the reality of what I’m doing hits me once again and I am in awe of the providence that has led me to this place at this time. I know, in spite of the challenges, this is exactly where I am supposed to be and I’m so thankful for those who pushed me to embrace this opportunity and make it a reality. I acknowledge that without the support and encouragement of countless people from home I wouldn’t be here, or would have turned back long ago. Therefore, I just want to say once again, Thanks!
Blessings to you all,
Rachel

In the presence of my 'enemies' on the International Day of Non-Violence

There are too many thoughts running through my head at the moment and I feel an intense need to get them out and organized in some semi-coherent way. My internal dialogue has been going at light speed for the past several days as I’ve been reflecting on the experiences that planted the seed of my current sojourn in Vietnam and thoughts relating to the occasion of Gandhi’s birthday and International Day of Non-Violence have joined in the cacophony in my head. I’m not sure that I can make any sense out of them, but what follow are my attempts to do just that.

It’s hard to believe that the first inklings that a trip to Vietnam might be in my future started over three years ago, and at that point, it was alongside a much more anticipated possible trip to Iran. What intrigued me was the way the trip was framed as an opportunity to relate with ‘enemies past and present’. At that point, the drums of war were beating once again as it seemed my country had already set its sights on war with Iran, just as it had done in Afghanistan and Iraq. The hate-speech and misinformation was rampant and as a student of history, I could see several parallels between that moment and what I’d learned about the build up to the war in Vietnam. The study tour to these two countries promised an opportunity, no matter how small, to sit at the table with those who had been or are currently enemies of the country I call home. As our preparations continued, I became more excited about the prospect of humanizing those who seemed so distant and foreign to my realm of experience.

Flash forward three years. I’ve been to and returned from both Iran and Vietnam. I sat around tables and experienced humbling hospitality at the tables of ‘my enemies’. I toured the War Remnants museum with a Vietnamese teacher who lost half of her family in the war waged by my country. I sat at a table with Muslim scholars who knew my own theology better than I do. I drank countless cups of tea and coffee and spent hours in conversation. Naively, I assumed that these experiences were behind me as I settled into the routine of real life after graduation. But, whether through divine providence, serendipity, or just plain coincidence, I’ve once again found myself living in the land of a former enemy.

Now, several weeks into my two year sojourn in a country that is beginning to feel more and more like home, I am again reminded of the dire importance of meeting and relating with those whom we are told are the ‘evil other’. While that language is no longer used to describe the Vietnamese, except by those who still consider socialism/communism to be the work of evil in the world, the voices of dehumanization and isolation continue to rage against Iran. I sit in my room at the international guest house and I watch the BBC and read the Washington Post. Living, as I am in the very best example of American foreign policy gone horribly wrong, I can only pray that reason will prevail and the examples of the past will inform our present choices. If only those who made the decisions that bring life or death, dialogue or isolation, a new way forward or the continuation of old hatreds could live with those who will feel the effects of those decisions. If they could walk the streets of Hanoi or Tehran, if they could share a bowl of pho or plate of kebab, perhaps then there would be less talk of us and them, and more of we. I know that I’m drastically oversimplifying and that my mind cannot grasp the elements of realpolitik involved… but perhaps we need to see things more simply and look at the shared humanity that binds us together, rather than the political, ideological and religious differences that divide us.

As if the cacophony of these voices running through my head were not enough, they have been joined over the past day with thoughts of the International Day of Nonviolence, to celebrate and remember the birthday of Gandhi on October 2. In addition to the drums of international war between the US and Iran, wars continue to rage around the world. The human family is torn apart by strife and competition for scarce resources. Differences in religion, race, gender, political persuasion, sexual orientation, and worldview fan the flames of overt violence and more hidden forms such as prejudice, exploitation, and discrimination. Instead of working, as Gandhi sought to do, for the non-harm of all and the conquering power of ‘truth force’ we seek to establish an advantage for our position at the expense of those not quite as powerful. Proponents of nonviolence in the international arena are mocked and derided as weak and out of touch with reality while the voices of violence and triumphalism are welcomed with open arms. While I’m realistic enough to know that creating a day to commemorate the life of a person who inspired so many of the non-violent struggles for independence and human rights will not create a substantial difference, it has certainly provided the motivation for some reflection. So, I guess this all comes down to just that, this is simply my reflection on what would happen if on this day, people set aside their differences and sat in conversation with those whom they generally view as ‘other’. Maybe nothing would change and my dreams are simply the longings of a soul that cannot fathom where humanity will be if we continue on our current path of dehumanization and an all out competition to make sure ‘we’ come out on top. But, just maybe small changes could begin to take shape; maybe just the seeds of changes could find fertile ground as people reflect on the humanity that connects us.

Ramblings from a drug-induced stupor

That's right, folks... I have a cold. It hit with a vengeance on Monday night after my evening class ended at 9. What seemed innocuous enough as a tickle in my throat turned into a full-fledged sore throat, congestion, headache and cough by the time the alarm went off at 6 Tuesday morning. Luckily, Tuesday is my 'light' day when I have only 2 hours of class and those were easily cancelled. So, I crawled back into bed, cursing my lack of foresight to bring any sort of cold medicine with me and my inability to speak enough Vietnamese to buy some on my own.

For those of you unfamiliar with shopping in Vietnam, there's no real equivalent to Wal-mart or Target which is a truly sad thing when you really need a variety of things such as cold medicine, chicken soup, and orange juice. Instead, getting cold medicine turned out to be a day long process. First I talked to one of the TA's at the RCCD because Joan had asked him if he knew where we could get some ginseng lozenges. So, he called Ms. Yen in the International Relations office since her father is a doctor and she called him to see what medicine they should give me. BUT... she didn't call him right away, so I popped some Advil and went about my day. By lunch, my throat was as raw and painful as possible and my ears were popping pretty fiercely. It was all I could do to drag myself back into bed and pray that I'd feel better when I woke up. I did, somewhat, but I was still no closer to getting cold medicine. Finally, around 7:30 or so I get a text from Phung saying that Yen thought that I should see a doctor in case it wasn't just a cold. While my experience in Vietnam has generally been positive, I wasn't feeling like I wanted to be introduced to the medical system quite yet so I said I didn't think that was necessary. But, I asked Phung, can you help me get some medicine? Sadly, there's something wrong with my phone and he didn't get the message. So Tuesday night passed simply due to the Advil and sleeping pill that I took in the hopes that it would simply knock me out.

Wednesday morning, not feeling as awful... sore throat largely gone, but it appears it's a sinus infection rather than the cold it had started out as. I drag myself to class because I do not want to have to schedule a make-up session. While I'm teaching, in walks Phung and we set a time to go to the pharmacy after I'm done teaching. Well... the pharmacy is right across the street from the campus and it looks exactly like the countless shops that line the street, selling everything from cell phones to motorbike parts and everything in between. Stepping up to the counter, the smiling woman in the white coat asks Phung, or me through Phung, what my symptoms are and how long I've had them. As they talk (and I listen, uncomprehendingly) she begins to reach into the cupboards behind her and assemble various drugs into little plastic bags. She admonishes me to stay away from AirCon and fans for a while and after paying her my 22,000 VND (just over $1 US) I left with three doses of four pills that are supposed to help and a box of lozenges.

Now, there are many things that I was taught as a child about health and safety. One of the primary lessons was not to take medicine if you didn't know what it was... but, I figured that the pharmacy lady knew more about the medicine I needed than I did and so when I got home I popped the pills and crawled into bed once again. Waking two hours later, I could already tell that there was some improvement as I was not nearly as congested as I'd been before. I made it through my afternoon class, feeling better as the afternoon moved on. I ventured out for dinner last night and managed to stay awake until 10:45 last night (which is pretty late for me since I teach at 7 am).

I took my last dose this morning and would say that I'm about 75% better. Pretty speedy recovery since my last cold seemed to drag on forever! So, whatever was in those packets must have worked and I'm thankful for that.

In other news... I'm ending up my 7th week here in Vietnam and things continue to go well. It's been cooler and rainier recently which I must confess I love. There have actually been days where I haven't sweat and that's a welcome change from the first few weeks I was here. Other than the cold, my health is good and I'm getting plenty of rest and fresh food (no worries there, Mom). I continue to learn my way around town, which is incredibly liberating. I also had my first ao dai made this week for a wedding I'm going to on Saturday... and I must say it looks rather stunning. I'll post pictures later. That's it for now since I've ramble on too long already.

Observations

It's hard to believe that I've been here four weeks. At times it feels as though the days have flown by and I've been here much longer, but at other times, I feel just as overwhelmed with the newness of the situation as I was when I stepped off the plane. Like every major life transition, even those that we anticipate with great excitement, adjusting to life in Vietnam is a daily task. Some days, I do very well and others I find it more of a struggle. But, in order to reflect accurately on the past month, I figured it would be helpful to focus this post on the things, both large and small, that have brought joy and refreshment to my time here, thusfar:

*A bunch of fresh bananas from Dalat delivered to my room tonight by some of my students at RCCD.

* An impromptu sinh to (fruit smoothie) date with some 8D1 students to celebrate two classmates' birthdays

* Five hour coffee/conversations with the Aussie couple downstairs... they say I remind them of their children.

* The smiling woman who automatically starts to crack the egg for my banh mi opla (fried egg on baguette) as soon as I arrive at her cart. Today she made room for me under her umbrella so that I wouldn't have to stand in the sun while I waited for the egg to cook. Neither of us can communicate in the other's language, but I'm hopeful that will change soon enough.

* Truyen, the owner of the bar that many of the international volunteers go to, and his soulful renditions of Simon and Garfunkel's "El Condor Pasa". Not my favorite S&G song, but it brings a smile to my face. (Oh, and his french fries have already saved me from a Western food craving more than once.)

* Having my afternoons free allows for lengthly lunches and mid-day coffees. Gotta love a culture that appreciates the nap. :)

* The group of badminton players that invite me into their games, offer me a raquet, and attempt to bring their play down to my level while yelling for me to hit 'harder'. It's great fun, an amazing workout, and fun to see the same group of people each time...

* That I'm no longer petrified by the crazy traffic to venture past the lit-up q-tip. People don't want to hit me just as much as I don't want to hit them, so as long as we don't hit each other, we'll be alright. On the same lines, I'm learning my way around, which is pretty liberating :).

* Ice cream! (and the fact that my mint ice cream with coconut milk and crushed peanuts cost all of 3000 dong or less than $.25).

* When I went into the RCCD office on Wednesday one of the other teachers told me the group was excited to learn with me. (For someone who's still figuring out this whole 'teacher thing' I took it as a good sign).

*That my leaving has inspired my mother to not only get a Facebook page, but also use Skype. Now if she could only understand the 11 hour time difference and stop calling at 3 AM.

*Joan Easton. She's a 74 year old humanities professor from Minesota and we've hit it off splendidly. Since we both teach in two different departments, we've shared a lot of the same confusion but as she reminds me, "Two heads are better than one, even if they are cabbages".

I'm sure there are many others, but these are the moments that have brought joy to my days and a smile to my face. Although there are things I miss about home, like cheese that melts, a shower that's separated from the rest of the bathroom, and not having to clean up gecko droppings... life here is pretty good and for that I'm grateful.

I feel a rant coming on...

Let me start off with a qualifier... I'm tired. Not physically tired, but emotionally and intellectually exhausted. After two weeks of classes and navigating this new context, it's beginning to feel less foreign, and for this I am grateful. But I get the distinct feeling that with the newness some of the adreneline is also wearing off. My motivation for plowing through the obstacles that seem to crop up with great regularity is also waning and I imagine simply giving in to the system that's already in place.

I desperately want to be passionate and committed to my ideals and visions of implementing IC3 on a broader scale at AGU, and it appears that RCCD (Resource Center for Rural Development) would be the natural partner since its students are already involved in development work in their home communities. But I've been told that this is not a group of students that we experiment with... and so I'm stuck.

There are so many obstacles in my path right now: the existing curriculum that does not allow for growth in critical thinking or increased comfort level with intercultural and development partners; the wide range of student ability that seems to make it impossible to meet the more advanced students' need for stimulation and challenge while also addressing the more basic needs of the other learners; the constrained flexibility of the RCCD itself, I've been told I can use the curriculum of my choice but have also been discouraged from deviating from the established curriculum, and my own ineptitude. I'm more passionate than I am knowledgeable and that seems pretty dangerous. Perhaps my idealism has blinded me to the realities that this course includes, but it seems irresponsible to waste valuable time and resources teaching skills that exist in a vaccum. Instead of teaching students to write about traditional foods or the like, wouldn't it be more useful in their work to learn the same skills but in the context of development issues such as health or education? Again, perhaps I'm being naive but it's just frustrating.

At this point, it feels like it's too late for me to back out of this cohort since classes start on Monday, but I'm just not sure that I can work within this system. I dread the thought of being constrained by such an irrelevant curriculum but don't feel like I have the freedom or the ability to come up with a suitable alternative. I wouldn't have agreed to teach this course if I'd known I'd have to use the existing curriculum since that's not really the reason I'm here, and while I hate to sound selfish, I don't really feel like this is the best use of my time here. While most of my experiences here so far have worked toward assuaging my fear that this is an assignment beyond my capabilities, I'm afraid I may have underestimated the challenge that this RCCD class is going to provide. I guess we'll see...