Wow! To say that these last days have flown by in a bit of a whirlwind would be an enormous understatement. Here's a bit of what's happened since I arrived Saturday night:
* A four and a half hour drive from the airport to Long Xuyen City, including two river crossings by ferry and arrival at my home for the nex two years at around 4:00 AM.
* My first of many interesting breakfast experiences: Fish noodles and iced coffee. (Really, really good... even at 10 AM). Since the first morning, I've also enjoyed vegetarian noodles with fried eggrolls, beef noodle soup and a cheese sandwich with pickled carrot, diakon, and cilantro.
* A workshop where students presented incredible action research projects on IC3. These presentations highlighted areas of strength and growth for the curriculum and its implementation at AGU.
* Meetings with Foreign Langauage faculty as well as the deans and directors of non-English major departments about collaboration with/integration of IC3 and the MDP projects, including the use of Global Classroom technologies.
* A full day in Can Tho meeting with their faculty of English Education and the newly formed School of Social Sciences and Humanities. They have agreed to pilot the use of IC3 with their second and third year students this year as well as join in the International Film Series. What an valuable opportunity to work at partnering with another school in the Delta.
* Countless introductions and overwhelming signs of welcome: I've felt very welcomed by all those with whom I've interacted over these first days and I look forward to taking everyone up on their invitations to go for coffee and help me get settled in here now that Dan's leaving for Hanoi and I'm pretty much on my own.
* Jet-lag. While I'm pretty much acclimated, it's still a bit of a challenge to stay awake much past 9 and I'm usually up right around 6. Those of you have worked with me know that this is quite a change from my sleeping in at home.
* HEAT: Walking outside in the morning, my glasses steam up and I am considering writing to Revlon to let them know that their foudation is NOT sweatproof, like they claim. But, I'm already appreciating that the rains help to cool things down substantially and staying inside the AirCon between 11:00 and 1:30 is helpful. I've been reassured that eventually I'll get so used to the heat that I won't be drenched with sweat in the first few minutes outside and that visitors will marvel at how 'crazy-cool' I am. Until then...
Well, that's certainly not everything... but it should suffice to give you all a glimpse of what's beein going on with me. I'm sure I'll have more to say soon when I'm more settled in and such.
20 August 2009
18 August 2009
Musings from 30,000 feet...
From somewhere over the Pacific Ocean on a day that began at a hotel in Washington at 4:45 AM and will not end until 4 AM the following day in a time zone 11 hours ahead, after 30+ hours of travel. I’m feeling disoriented to say the least. Emotionally and physically, I’m bordering on exhaustion. Making such a concerted effort to present a strong sense of certainty about this new venture has required a certain amount of emotional distancing that helped get me through the good-byes that could have paralyzed me over the past few days, but I feel that it’s left me exhausted enough that as soon as things settle down and I realize the reality of my decision to be gone for two years that I just might break down. Don’t get me wrong, I know this is the right step for me, and the place that I need to be, but it was not an easy choice for me to make and embrace. I am certain that these next two years will full of unfathomable challenges. At times during the process of bringing this dream into reality, I’ve questioned my ability to handle the challenges and expectations that await me in Vietnam. Questions like, Can I do this? Am I in over my head? Am I crazy? Why? Pepper my thoughts even as I doggedly pursued a way to make this happen. Those with whom I shared some of these concerns did their best to realistically assuage my fears, while keeping me grounded in the reality this time will present me with challenges that will stretch beyond my wildest expectations.
At times, especially when I’m on the brink of something new, I find myself longing for a smaller life. I long to be satisfied by the things that comprise a ‘normal’ life. Though I chafe against the constraints of routine and get restless when I’m in the same place for too long, part of me wishes for a sense of contentment with the lie that doesn’t keep pushing me so far from the world I know. While I know that these are largely reactionary desires that simply promise an easier alternative to the options that push, mold and shape me, a small part of me wishes for fulfillment in them nonetheless.
There’s a chapter in Parker Palmer’s Let Your Life Speak entitled “Now I Become Myself” and that line keeps running through my mind as I contemplate what this journey will mean. The line is taken from a larger poem that I can’t remember but in it, the poet speaks of the process by which authentic selfhood is formed. This process, she says has taken her many places, and in that time she has worn many different faces, but now, she says I become myself. This feels like one of those moments for me, as I stand on the brink and peer out into the unknown. I don’t know which self will reveal itself in these next days, weeks, and months. I have caught glimpses of it in the questions which haunt my thoughts and the things about which I become passionate. But, I am sure that this true picture of myself will surprise even me as she is born throughout this time. I look forward to this birth, even as I anticipate the pains that will accompany it.
At times, especially when I’m on the brink of something new, I find myself longing for a smaller life. I long to be satisfied by the things that comprise a ‘normal’ life. Though I chafe against the constraints of routine and get restless when I’m in the same place for too long, part of me wishes for a sense of contentment with the lie that doesn’t keep pushing me so far from the world I know. While I know that these are largely reactionary desires that simply promise an easier alternative to the options that push, mold and shape me, a small part of me wishes for fulfillment in them nonetheless.
There’s a chapter in Parker Palmer’s Let Your Life Speak entitled “Now I Become Myself” and that line keeps running through my mind as I contemplate what this journey will mean. The line is taken from a larger poem that I can’t remember but in it, the poet speaks of the process by which authentic selfhood is formed. This process, she says has taken her many places, and in that time she has worn many different faces, but now, she says I become myself. This feels like one of those moments for me, as I stand on the brink and peer out into the unknown. I don’t know which self will reveal itself in these next days, weeks, and months. I have caught glimpses of it in the questions which haunt my thoughts and the things about which I become passionate. But, I am sure that this true picture of myself will surprise even me as she is born throughout this time. I look forward to this birth, even as I anticipate the pains that will accompany it.
01 August 2009
All My Bags are Packed... Round 1
My Harrisonburg good-byes have been said. My apartment is as empty as it was on the day that I moved in almost two years ago. My car is loaded down with the remainder of my earthly possessions that haven't already been moved back to PA, donated to Gift & Thrift, or sold. With just over two hours left in town, it's hard to believe that it's all come to an end. For months, this has been a possibility, but it hasn't felt quite real. Even now, I'm not sure exactly what I'm feeling: Tired, it's been a busy week with late nights and early mornings; Overwhelmed, as with any transition there are a million details that somehow keep multiplying even after I've checked some off of my to-do list; Appreciative of the wonderful outpourings of love and support I've received from friends and colleagues over these past days; Slightly guilty for having to leave so (seemingly) abruptly; Uncertain about what these next weeks and months will hold. So, basically I'm a huge mass of conflicting and ill-defined emotions. I'm hopeful that these next two weeks will provide time for reflection, re-grouping, and relaxation in the midst of packing, yet again, for this next stage of my journey.
16 July 2009
It's final... I'm moving to Vietnam in 29 Days!!
After months of waiting, the uncertainty has come to an end. I awoke this morning to find an email with the long-awaited visa code in my inbox! Now that I have the visa code, all the changes that have been tempered with condition that I receive my visa can actually begin to take place. I've given notice at work and will make that decision public tomorrow. My last day in Virginia will be 31 July and then it's two weeks in PA before I fly to Ho Chi Minh City on 14 August. Dan Wessner and I will be met by someone from An Giang University at the airport on 15 August and we'll arrive in Long Xuyen early Sunday morning. Those next days will be filled with meetings with Foreign Language Department faculty and students who have been working at implementing IC3 at AGU. In addition, we will meet with other interested parties within the university as we explore opportunities for taking IC3 beyond the FLD.
It's daunting, to say the least, but my excitement is running high today. There is much that needs to happen yet, but it feels so good to have this significant issue taken care of. Now I can begin to do what needs to be done. The cleaning, packing, end-tying up, and good-byeing will be difficult. But, it's time and I can't wait to see what awaits me on this next leg of my journey.
It's daunting, to say the least, but my excitement is running high today. There is much that needs to happen yet, but it feels so good to have this significant issue taken care of. Now I can begin to do what needs to be done. The cleaning, packing, end-tying up, and good-byeing will be difficult. But, it's time and I can't wait to see what awaits me on this next leg of my journey.
12 July 2009
The Good-byes begin...
After all the uncertainty of the past seven months, it's sometimes hard to believe that I'll be in Vietnam in just a little over a month!
As exciting as this is, I feel the need to focus on what all is going to happen between now and then. I've never been good at living in the moment. It seems that I'm always dreaming of the future or holding tightly to the past, but I struggle to ground myself in present realities. In the excitement and sometime frenzy of making plans, I think I've neglected to acknowledge the magnitude of the changes that are going to take place in a very short period of time. Last night, the good-byes started. Due to crazy summer schedules, it was the last night that Shannon, Heidi, Lynette, Abby, and I were able to spend a 'girls' night out' together. Over the past months, these wonderful ladies have formed the core of my social network here and I was reminded, as we sat and watched the sunset and night fall over Court Square, of just how much their support and encouragement has meant to me throughout this process. And this is just the beginning of the transitions. In less than two weeks, most of my material possessions will make the reverse migration to Pennsylvania. The apartment that has been home for the past two years will no longer be home, it will move into my past. While the trek is familiar, it is still diffucult. I must also say good-bye to those with whom I have shared my Mon-Fri, 8-5 life. While I have struggled to find meaning and purpose in the mundanity of some aspects of my work over the past several months, I have always been appreciative of those who with whom I work. We've often joked that rather than co-workers, I have acquired more mothers. In a way, it's true. I have been nurtured and encouraged by these women (and the men too). And I know that the months I've spent with them has helped to shape me into the person who now is able to step out beyond her realm of experience into something that is so largely unknown and mysterious.
It's going to be harder that I'd imagined to extricate myself from this Harrisonburg community. While I remain convinced that going to An Giang is the will of God revealed to me at this particular time and place, I need to acknowledge that following this path will not always be easy and pain-free. There will be moments along this journey when I long to return to the safety and familiarity of home. I will question why I made the choices I've made and the motivation behind those choices. The good-byes will overwhelm me and I will feel pretty alone. Acknowledging this doesn't make the inevitable pain of leaving go away, but it helps to simply stop and force myself to see past the naive dreams of the amazing potential of this Vietnam venture.
In the next days and weeks, I can only assume that the rate and pace of change will increase rapidly. I'm expecting that my visa and work permit authorization codes will arrive this week. In two weeks, my parents will come down to Harrisonburg to help me pack up the apartment. The week after that I'll finish up at EMU. The first weekend of August, I have a SST meeting and my commissioning service will be at First Mennonite church (in Johnstown) at 7 on August 2 for any of you that would want to come. From there, it's a brief week and a half before August 14 when I officially embark on this new and very fascinating stage of my journey.
As exciting as this is, I feel the need to focus on what all is going to happen between now and then. I've never been good at living in the moment. It seems that I'm always dreaming of the future or holding tightly to the past, but I struggle to ground myself in present realities. In the excitement and sometime frenzy of making plans, I think I've neglected to acknowledge the magnitude of the changes that are going to take place in a very short period of time. Last night, the good-byes started. Due to crazy summer schedules, it was the last night that Shannon, Heidi, Lynette, Abby, and I were able to spend a 'girls' night out' together. Over the past months, these wonderful ladies have formed the core of my social network here and I was reminded, as we sat and watched the sunset and night fall over Court Square, of just how much their support and encouragement has meant to me throughout this process. And this is just the beginning of the transitions. In less than two weeks, most of my material possessions will make the reverse migration to Pennsylvania. The apartment that has been home for the past two years will no longer be home, it will move into my past. While the trek is familiar, it is still diffucult. I must also say good-bye to those with whom I have shared my Mon-Fri, 8-5 life. While I have struggled to find meaning and purpose in the mundanity of some aspects of my work over the past several months, I have always been appreciative of those who with whom I work. We've often joked that rather than co-workers, I have acquired more mothers. In a way, it's true. I have been nurtured and encouraged by these women (and the men too). And I know that the months I've spent with them has helped to shape me into the person who now is able to step out beyond her realm of experience into something that is so largely unknown and mysterious.
It's going to be harder that I'd imagined to extricate myself from this Harrisonburg community. While I remain convinced that going to An Giang is the will of God revealed to me at this particular time and place, I need to acknowledge that following this path will not always be easy and pain-free. There will be moments along this journey when I long to return to the safety and familiarity of home. I will question why I made the choices I've made and the motivation behind those choices. The good-byes will overwhelm me and I will feel pretty alone. Acknowledging this doesn't make the inevitable pain of leaving go away, but it helps to simply stop and force myself to see past the naive dreams of the amazing potential of this Vietnam venture.
In the next days and weeks, I can only assume that the rate and pace of change will increase rapidly. I'm expecting that my visa and work permit authorization codes will arrive this week. In two weeks, my parents will come down to Harrisonburg to help me pack up the apartment. The week after that I'll finish up at EMU. The first weekend of August, I have a SST meeting and my commissioning service will be at First Mennonite church (in Johnstown) at 7 on August 2 for any of you that would want to come. From there, it's a brief week and a half before August 14 when I officially embark on this new and very fascinating stage of my journey.
28 June 2009
Some of the lovely ladies of 6D1...Hard to believe they've graduated.
27 June 2009
The Countdown is on...
48 days! My flight is booked and I'll be flying to Vietnam on 14 August.
It's hard to describe my internal dialogue for the past few days. So much has been happening and all the changes seem so much more real now that I have a concrete date, rather than an abstract time frame for my departure and embarkation on this next, very different stage of my life. Part of me still feels trapped in limbo, as I do not have my actual work permit or residence visa yet. So, theoretically it could all come to nothing at the stroke of a bureaucrat's pen. The likelihood of that happening appears to be very slim since we have received nothing but positive feedback from the rectorates of An Giang and Can Tho Universities. Our correspondence with the International Office at An Giang has indicated that they are very excited for my presence on campus beginning in August and we have gone so far as to schedule meetings with the respective rectorates, faculty, and IC3 students from 16-18 August.
All of this leaves me very hopeful that this dream will become reality, while at the same time reality is weighing a bit more heavily on me with the reduction of uncertainty. As the reality of leaving the familiar world of work, friends, and family descends through the fog of naivete, I cannot help but feel some apprehension. I suspect this is natural, and not all that disconcerting. What frightens me is the weight of IC3 expectations and my ability to meet them. With all those involved depending on me to bridge the US and Vietnam, I can't help but wonder if this is really something I have the ability to do. The task is daunting and because I believe so strongly in the curriculum I hate to think that it would be my fault that it not be fully realized. I am both encouraged and humbled by the faith that those sending me have placed in my ability. I only hope that that faith isn't misplaced.
Excitement, anticipation, trepidation, intimidation... all these and more are sure to be my constant companions as I wrap up my life here in Harrisonburg and prepare for my life in Vietnam. I am more certain than ever that this is the right move and continue to see God revealing Godself to me through this process.
It's hard to describe my internal dialogue for the past few days. So much has been happening and all the changes seem so much more real now that I have a concrete date, rather than an abstract time frame for my departure and embarkation on this next, very different stage of my life. Part of me still feels trapped in limbo, as I do not have my actual work permit or residence visa yet. So, theoretically it could all come to nothing at the stroke of a bureaucrat's pen. The likelihood of that happening appears to be very slim since we have received nothing but positive feedback from the rectorates of An Giang and Can Tho Universities. Our correspondence with the International Office at An Giang has indicated that they are very excited for my presence on campus beginning in August and we have gone so far as to schedule meetings with the respective rectorates, faculty, and IC3 students from 16-18 August.
All of this leaves me very hopeful that this dream will become reality, while at the same time reality is weighing a bit more heavily on me with the reduction of uncertainty. As the reality of leaving the familiar world of work, friends, and family descends through the fog of naivete, I cannot help but feel some apprehension. I suspect this is natural, and not all that disconcerting. What frightens me is the weight of IC3 expectations and my ability to meet them. With all those involved depending on me to bridge the US and Vietnam, I can't help but wonder if this is really something I have the ability to do. The task is daunting and because I believe so strongly in the curriculum I hate to think that it would be my fault that it not be fully realized. I am both encouraged and humbled by the faith that those sending me have placed in my ability. I only hope that that faith isn't misplaced.
Excitement, anticipation, trepidation, intimidation... all these and more are sure to be my constant companions as I wrap up my life here in Harrisonburg and prepare for my life in Vietnam. I am more certain than ever that this is the right move and continue to see God revealing Godself to me through this process.
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